March 24, 2010

Weekend Interrupted

Posted in memories tagged , at 11:09 pm by silivalilife

It was late evening and raining outside, but inside it was warm as always and was smelling with fresh pastries from the kitchen.
The tv was showing something favorite, all my crayons were on the table and my aunt was helping me with drawing.
Everything was so weekendishly usual, I was left with grandma and aunts, grandma will bake pastries, aunts will take us to places and we will return tired to get homemade treats, draw, watch tv and occasional homework.

I was finishing a portrait of a girl with green eyes. I did not have anyone in mind when I started, but my aunt asked who was that, so I tried to think who she might look like and decided she can be Carina, my classmate.

“Is her head flat?”, she asked. I didn’t know what to say, because the portrait’s head did not seem flat to me, neither did my classmate’s. She was just teasing me. Then I stopped drawing, stood up and went to the window, not sure why. I put both my hands around my head leaning towards the glass, to see into the darkness.

I said to myself: “All this is long gone, and you know that. When you take your hands off, and turn, you will see just an empty worn out room, cold and dark”. I was still feeling the light and warmth on my back, but I suddenly realized it was a dream.

I had not choice but to start crying loudly. I felt so betrayed by my own self, who made me believe this was for real.

All that day later I was looking for an empty rooms where I could be by myself.

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